Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Godzilla vs. Batman

Godzilla could swallow Batman alive.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Veggie Burgers

We went to Burger King today after going to the dentist today. Normally, we'd go to McDonalds, but those Star Wars toys are too cool to miss. Besides that, I heard somewhere that Burger King offers vegetarian meals. My brothers got a Luke Skywalker top and a Bail Organa light thing that has a laser shaped like Yoda.
I ordered a veggie burger. I think the lady said it was tofu, or something like that. It looks like an ordinary beef patty, but it's chunkier, and has chunks of what I think are veggies laced in. Just like fruitcake. It's actually not bad, in a chunky veggie sorta way.
Burger King is way awesome.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

South Park

I just saw an episode on Friday. It was about this guy named David Blaine who brainwashed people and started a new religion. The one kid with the red and blue hat realized it and asked Jesus for help. Jesus called on the "Super Best Friends," Buddha, Krishna, Mohammed, Lao Tzu, Joseph Smith, and Seaman for help. It was awesome because they were like the Power Rangers, and they even had the big projected face named Moses.

Jesus: The miracle I'm most famous for is turning water into wine.
Stan: Can you do it agian?
Jesus: Very well. I shall perform the miracle. Behold. Here you can see ordinary water, clear, clean. Okay now, turn around. [Stan looks at Jesus quizzically. Jesus is now holding the pitcher] Er, nuh, tur- turn around. [Stan turns away and Jesus quickly switches pitchers] Uh, okay now, turn back. [Stan turns back] It is now wine!
Stan: That's it? That's how you did that trick?
Jesus: Wuh well, yeah.
Stan: That trick sucks, Jesus.
Jesus: Oh. Well, I guess it worked a little better on people 2000 years ago.

Jesus: We need to know how to kill a giant stone Abraham Lincoln.
Moses: ...Um... Let me think, um... a giant stone John Wilkes Booth?

Blaine: Then I guess you win this time, Super Best Fools! But I'll be back! [fires up the little rocket ship and takes off into the sky]
Jesus: Goddamnit! [behind him and the other Super Best Friends is a city in ruins]
Buddha: It's alright. Everything is as it should be.
Jesus: Oh, shut up, Buddha!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Double Negatives

If you have a double negative in terms of numbers, you just have the same a smaller number. For example, negative three doubled is negative six, not zero. With words though, you just get "zero" or sometimes a positive. In that case, is there a name out there that works for both?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Let the turkeys run wild and free

We have wild turkeys living around in our state. I've seen only one in fifth grade, and it was at a wildlife park. There's a whole yard of caged turkeys in our city they're selling for thanksgiving. Wouldn't it be better if we just let them free? When's the last time anyone's seen a turkey in their backyard? If I were a turkey, I'd rather run around in the woods before I got shot, instead of being penned up in a crowded cage with bunches of other turkeys before I got shot. It's just way more fun.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

8 Truths and 2 lies

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator did it on his blog, and I thought it looked fun. Like he said, plagiary is the sincerest form of flattery. Here are eight facts about me and two lies. Try and guess which ones are fake:

* I didn't seen The Fellowship until three years after it came out

* I have never been to Disneyworld.

* I have a C or higher in every class.

* I have lived in four apartments.

* I like caterpillars.

* My favorite book is Hearts In Atlantis.

* I have a jar full of pennies I'm saving for college.

* The first Star Wars movie I ever saw was Return of the Jedi.

* I am planning to go vegan.

* The first movie I ever saw was Babe: Pig in the City.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Jennifer

How many people in the world can you think of whose names are Jennifer? They have to be real people though. I can only think of six right now.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Something fun to do when you're bored

Bob thought of steroids the same way a normal housekeeper would think of missing keys. They were never there when you need one. Today was like that. He couldn't find his pills, and he was broke. How was he supposed to get anything with a pocket of quarters?
He wandered the streets. He hated the idea of having to beg again - they were always looking at him like an old dog, they eyed him with pity, but mostly scorn. But if that was what he'd have to do to get some shizzy, he would beg until the stars cried.
He walked down the Bentley Avenue, hoping to see some old granny, or a depressed-looking man who seemed to be in a mid-life crisis. Those were the easier targets. What caught his eye was a banana.
Not just any banana, it spoke the most wonderful words on earth. "Bentley Casino, where destiny meets fortune and fame!" Of course, it was only an advertiser in a banana suit, and Bob knew that. But the casino was right in front of him. Thinking of the money he would make, Bob ran in.
The slot machine was the first thing he noticed. It was an enormous monster of a machine, with little fruit painted on the slots. Bob counted as he put in his quarters.
"One, two, three, four, six..."
Bob had never finished grammar school. He never learned to count by twos, and tie his shoes - all the junk little five-year olds skipped home reciting to their parents. Bob had been a hobo almost his entire life.
When he had finished his eleventh (or fourteenth, he would say), he pulled down the slot. The little fruits on the three slots began spinning, making blurs that seemed to turn into the color of puke.
Cherry.
It wasn't Bob's parents' fault for his lack of education. It was all a silly little mistake he had made on his own at six, when he picked up an issue of TV Guide. The Sesame Street Movie was going to be on. His mom was going to tape it. Bobby hated it. So he ran.
Cherry.
You see, Bobby ran far, far away from home. He thought the scary, scary muppets, how Cookie Monster would gobble him up, how Snuffy the Elephant would squash him, and how Oscar the Grouch would pull Bobby into the bottomless garbage can he lived in. He despaired over the thought of how they would pull him into the screen, far, far from home, and into a small alley filled with monsters.
Cherry.
Bright red lights began flashing on and off as Bob came to the realization that he had won. A crowd gathered around him. He watched as money began piling up in front of him. For a moment, it didn't even occur to him what he would spend it on. Steroids in money form kept falling, and he would've been happy if some dumb jerk hit him on the head with a rock and a sling.
He was free.


Try to make a story using all of these five words. Then send it to
fivewords1@yahoo.com and the author of the blog might put it up on www.fivewordtales.blogspot.com
-Steroids
-Slot Machine
-TV Guide
-Despair
-Sling

Monday, November 14, 2005

something I don't get

What I don't get is why people would sacrifice themselves in a war that can be avoided. I respect them for having a big heart and protecting its people, but I still don't see the reasoning behind it. If world leaders have problems with each other, they should resolve it on their own, not see whose army could kick whose army's butts. I think the army on both sides (U.S. and Iraq) should just not fight, so the leaders get madder and madder, but they're the only ones angry at each other, and the rest of the world would be in peace.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

"Good authors borrow, great authors steal."

I never really understood that quote. Does it mean they steal from other works, or life experiences around them, or something else? In Secret Window, Secret Garden, Stephen King says:
"Don't these people know there are only about five really good stories, and writers just tell them over and over, with different characters? Mort himself believed there were at least six stories: success; failure; love and loss; revenge; mistaken identity; the search for a higher power, be it God or the devil."

I know how that works, but I wouldn't consider it stealing. Someone could write a story without ever experiencing them. It probably wouldn't be a great story, but someone could, if they made it all up in their head.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Cold



Why fly south when you can peel off another animal's skin? Saves them the trouble, too.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Asian invasion!!!!!

It's teh azn invasion!!!!111
Vook and Yuk and darth C all the way, boys....
they so hott

...


So, this is not Joo]lz..... or woho..... or... moobaggins.
Yeah.
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttootle-oo
pringles, baby

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Research

It took me forever to research the Vietnam War last night. I had to do it for a speech, which I wasn't ready for, and thankfully, it got moved to tomorrow. Anyway, the internet's supposed to make finding information easier, not have a whole ton of complicated words jumbled into big sentences. People shouldn't make it harder than it already is. So if anyone wants to learn about the Vietnam War, learn about it here.

*Vietnam has an election to clean itself up.
*Eisenhower doesn't like the Communists.
*Eisenhower says it out loud.
*Eisenhower starts a South Vietnam revolution.
*There's a war.
*3 more presidents.
*People around the world unhappy with United States' involvement.
*United States and North Vietnam agree to quit fighting.
*South Vietnam keeps fighting North Vietnam, later surrenders.
*Vietnam is now in poverty.

See, doesn't that make everything a lot easier?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

...........

They arrange you life for you, telling you that you can't be trusted to make your own decisions, even when their ideas for your life aren't necessarily what you want. Of course, they have complete power over you, you ungrateful beast. Humor them; sign up for their little programs, you're still in debt. You'll always be.
They need your signature, do everything to get your hand and that pen to write the most horrible thing they gave you. Threats, violence, stories of how kids end up as hoboes, everything until they finally make you some false bribe. Anything to get you to do what we want. We'll let you back out. We understand it's your life. Just try it out. And don't screw up.
Well guess what? You fail. They say it's your thing, but unfortunately, you're not very good at it. You're nothing but a failure, and they half expected it. In fact, they knew it. And they yell at you, and take everything away, one by one. Puppy-dog => dead. Rainbow => smushed. When you can't take it and bring up that old promise, it never existed. There was no freaking promise. You're stuck in a web of lies. It only looks like an E, it's actually a B. I'm not high, no, really. Everything's just dandy.
And they know it.

Well you know what? Being a hobo can't possibly be much worse.

Monday, November 07, 2005

What's the last thing you stuck up your nose?

The last thing I've stuck up my nose is probably an eraser of a pencil or maybe a pen. I don't remember...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

EeEeEe!!!

I just saw The Fellowship of the Ring for the twentieth time today. Tomorrow is National They-Showed-The-First-Half-Of-The-Fellowship-On-The-WB-20 Day, and also the anniversary for when I first saw it last year, so I'll be watching the first half again tomorrow, then the second half Tuesday, on They-Showed-The-Second-Half-Of-The-Fellowship-On-The-WB-20 Day.

Check this out:


Can anyone tell what's wrong?

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Massacre


Shameless slaughtering of
women and children dead
wrong we see our mistake

Kill the unarmed and
it's a crime
unless of course they're ours

Our family don't matter it's
The cure
that counts

The brownshirts and
the communists and the nightriders
and the vigilantes

Kill em all and
shoot em dead and
go back to your routine

Get the pigs on
campus already
they're in the way

Get the tear gas call the
National Guard whatever
it takes

blood will rise then
the others will flee they'll
be so frightened just watch

Don't worry it's not
murder it's just teaching a
very necessary lesson

Just a can of worms
nothing big just a few lives
all for the better, right?

One or two kids
maybe four
we'll show the world we know
just how wrong once we were

Don't worry we've turned
over a new Offensive moon

Friday, November 04, 2005

Melancholy


Why don't we all gunch up and discuss this pic?

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

...

Why do clouds change color?
Do you like cheese?
Yes
No
Dunno
Send this poll to a friend!